Some days I forget I'm "Stillhopefulmom". This is one of those days. The only good thing I've accomplished today is this blog post (which technically I haven't finished yet.)
People say that I'm so strong. They say I've inspired them because of how well I've managed the circumstances of my life as of late. What people don't know is I need to be stronger...for days like today.
There are days when walking downstairs to let out my dog takes great effort. Days that I do not answer the phone. Days that I stay in my pajamas. Days that I may sustain myself on cheese sticks and Diet Coke. These are days of extreme sadness. Days when it is obvious I'm depressed.
Today, I woke up and went out for a run. It was really hot and I was not very motivated but I managed to finish two miles. Then I handled some business emails and phone calls as well as made myself a healthy breakfast, but that's where the productivity stopped.
I have actually spent the rest of the entire day (it's now 6:30pm) sitting on my bed with an NCIS marathon and my ipad playing an array of mindless games while half-listening to Mark Harmon solve military-related crimes.
There are days like today where I need to be stronger. I need to remember that sometimes I just get sad. I just do. And I suppose it's something I must accept. But I wish I were stronger. I wish I could be that "stillhopefulmom" I pretend to be...the one you readers believe me to be.
Sorry, she isn't here today. Hopefully, she'll be back tomorrow.
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