The Rock

March 22, 2013
Since my last posting, a lot has transpired.  I've directed a very successful play and my younger son has performed in another one.  Life has been hectic but mostly good.

Unfortunately, not all good.

My older son was told to leave the place he'd been living (with family).  They changed the locks.  The reason:  he'd stolen a credit card from them and used it a few times.  Luckily, the amount wasn't terribly high, but that doesn't matter.  The trust was gone.  Though I wasn't there, I'm told he was very remorseful and promised to pay back all that was owed.  

When given this news, at first, I had that same old familiar feeling of devastation, like I'd been punched in the gut by a heavyweight champion.

But then, surprisingly, something changed inside me.  Instead of falling apart myself, I was able to remain calm, even helpful. I actually consoled the person to whom my son had broken trust and I explained that this was the way his illness is.  This person didn't really understand what Bipolar was until this happened.  Our conversation became more about what Bipolar people choose to do when untreated and less about my son's transgression.  I feel like I actually informed this person and it was understood... moreover, it was accepted.  Something I never thought would happen.

I don't know where my son is at this point.  He randomly posts things on Facebook (yes, we are still "Friends" on Facebook).  But where he's sleeping I do not know.

What I do know is that I am stronger than I thought.  I didn't crumble when I heard about my son's latest episode.  I was the rock that held things together this time.

I was able to use it as a teachable moment for someone who had yet to acknowledge that my son indeed has a mental illness.  While I am still worried for my son's welfare, I do not lie awake each night in terror.  Do I think about him everyday?  Absolutely.  But do I let his choices affect my life with my partner and younger son? No. No, I don't.