The Not Knowing

November 17, 2013

Do all mothers worry when they haven't heard from their adult kids in a while? Do they jump each time the phone rings? Do their imaginations run wild with the possibilities for not receiving a call?

Or is it just me?

It's been a week and I haven't heard a word from my incarcerated, twenty-one year old son. This is very unusual--we speak almost everyday-- so I am quite worried. After checking in with his dad, I've discovered he hasn't heard from him either. This has me doubly worried. Why no call?

My son was scheduled to have his wisdom teeth removed--all four--sometime this week. We didn't want him to do it behind bars fearing the quality of the health care would be subpar, but his pain had become unbearable and the prison dentist insisted on taking immediate action... but he wasn't told exactly what day it would happen--only that it would happen this week sometime.

What they did tell him was he would not receive the anesthetic typically used in this kind of oral surgery. He was terrified and so were we.

Now, today marks one week since we've heard from him. We've called the prison and received no assistance.

So not only am I worried about my son's well-being behind bars (like I am every day), now I'm worried that his oral surgery has gone wrong and he's suffering terribly. I can't get this vision out of my head that he's writhing in pain and no one is there to comfort him. Though he's twenty-one years old, he's still my baby.

When he was younger and skinned his knees, I cried when I cleaned his wound. After he tore his ACL in a high school basketball game, I actually passed out in the ER as they examined his injury. I feel it when my sons are hurt. Isn't that part of being a mother?

This time, though, I don't even know if he is hurt. I don't know if he's had the surgery, and I don't know if he's recovering well.

This time I don't know anything at all. So for now...I just wait.


  1. I get to see my son on Saturday and Sunday only for an hour on a tv screen. He has Schizoaffective for the last 5 years he is 28 . He is in jail because he went off his medication dosage being too high with bad bloody vomiting and diarrhea for 4-5 days. It just got worse. I am so drained right now. He had a seizure yesterday. I have been calling the sheriff's office, the jail magistrate, senators, representatives, the govenor, judges, lawyers, attorney general and so many organizations and DO NOT FEEL anyone helped his situation. I will not give up I will not loose my hope. He has HOPE and BELIEVE tattoo'd on his right arm. Just praying he will stay alive to get out of there.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story here. It sounds like you and your son are doing all you can to remain hopeful. I wish you all the best. Please keep us posted on your/his situation. Believe is a good word for a tattoo. You just have to believe. You're absolutely right.
    All the best,